US Open Final Thoughts

After the insanity that was Moving Day at the US Open on Pebble Beach, Sunday's cool-down should have come as no surprise.  There was no way anyone was going to match the dual-66 magic that Tiger and Johnson posted Saturday, especially on a US Open Final Round setup.

So the winning number?  Even Par.  Not -3, not -6.  E.  Just the way the USGA drew it up.  Graeme McDowell's victory required an "unflappable" final round score of 3-over 74.   So if you wanted to see low scores and eagles abound - or a  replay of Tiger's unreal second on 18 - you came to the wrong place.   Pebble was playing lightning fast and hammering away at mistakes.  It's casualties were three of the biggest names in the sport, Tiger, Phil and Ernie, and the bomber who had a seemingly commanding three-shot lead in the final group.

The Notables:

US Open Day 1

Golf's Second Major Championship is the only thing that can dull the pain of the Celtics horrible loss last night.  The Masters and US Open are by far my favorite tournaments and the obsession is practically unhealthy.  Nothing quite compares to the drama those two tournaments consistently give us and yesterday's opening round was no exception.   Let's breakdown some highlights and lowlights.

Another Moronic Phil Shot - Mickelson was trapped behind the two cyprus trees on the 18th fairway and instead of taking his medicine and laying up - which every other player on tour would have done - he tried to hit a retarded draw around the trees and over the water.  Didn't work out.   No shit it didn't work out!   People ask me all the time why I don't like Loveable Loser Phil.   This shot was exhibit A.

De Jonge What?  Micheel Who? - Two of the three 18 hole leaders are relatively unknown, which is unfortunate for poor Sean Micheel who only won the '03 PGA Championship "It's amazing how quickly people forget you." he said after the round.

Hoffman's 18 -  This was just heart-breaking.   After the amateur's second shot was slightly boxed out by the cyprus trees on 18, he tried to bend a low cut only to clip a branch and have it ricochet into the ocean.  Two-in-Three-out.   He yanked his fourth left and into the water again.   Four-in-Five-out.  Six into the right greenside bunker.  Seven stayed in.   Eight popped out to 10 feet and he saved himself a dreaded ten by nailing the putt.   Poor guy was even par on the tee box and dropped 70 spots on the leaderboard by the time he tossed his ball into the Pacific. 

Moore's 17 - This was just baffling.   First he pulls out a fairway metal on the 208 yard par 3 - way too much club - and pushed it right....  all the way over the 18th tee box.   From here he got some miraculous relief from the tee box sign, popped his come backer into the left greenside bunker and somehow got up and down for one of the wackiest bogey's you'll ever see on tour. 

Paul Casey's Grindin' - This guy kicks ass.  Not because he's a big name, because he's not.   Not because he makes it rain with wins on tour; he doesn't.   No, I like him because Yoda the Golf Instructor used Casey's swing  for my comparison video (compare these mirror-image swings after the jump!)   Casey was strong early with birdies on 3 and 5 but then started struggling to hit greens.  But boy did he make up for it with the flat stick.   He finished the round with 24 putts on the late-day poana greens to put him in a tie for the lead with what's-their-names. 

Stay tuned for Round 2 action!

A Tradition Like No Other

You know that giddy look kids start to get in the middle of December, because they think this is the year they finally get the pony they've been asking for from that lying prick, Santa?   That's pretty much what I've looked like for the last month whenever The Masters is mentioned.   In related news, you know the face you make when you step into the outhouse at a chili cook-off?   That's the face I've been making whenever I see another story about Tiger Woods that doesn't involve his abilities on the golf course.  

The lesson, of course, is that this could mark the weekend that we finally stop talking about Tiger the Trashy Whore Slayer and start talking about Tiger the Best Golfer in the World.  Outhouse face be damned! 

Honestly, I couldn't be happier.  As with years past, I am taking Thursday and Friday off to golf myself and then watch the best tournament in golf without interruption.    I am a bit concerned about how Tiger will play, seeing as he hasn't played competitively since November and spent much of that time in rehab and also talked about playing "not as hot, but not as exuberant."     This is probably most concerning.   Playing hot and/or exuberant is what made him the best.  If Tiger's not all fired up and intense he's just a skinny version of Vijay Singh.  Eff That. 

 Tiger's comeback aside, there really is nothing like The Masters.  Start with the most legendary and exclusive golf course on the planet and add in the calming theme music and steady call from Jim Nantz.  The sense that for four days you're slowly building toward another historic moment is undeniable.  Can't. F'n. Wait. 

Quick Hits

Not Megan Fox

• New jobless claims edge lower - Certainly positive news on the economic front.  

• Foreclosures slowing - Also positive news, especially for homeowners worried about the ever-dropping value of their investment.   One may also say that this could usher in a jump in new home sales, if folks who have been hesitant to buy start regaining confidence in the market.  

• Sullivan passes on a Tax Policy Center breakdown of Paul Ryan's proposed budget.  Summary:  Great for the rich, not so much for the middle-class.   Surprise, surprise.  And Ryan was one republican who I actually liked. 

• The interweb was abuzz over an outtake pic of Megan Fox posing provocatively on all fours.    Turns out it's not even her.  We'll still pretend though.  That's the American way.   

• The Tiger whores who don't think they're whores, and don't want to be considered whores, had a battle to determine who is actually the best whore of those whores.  Jamie Jungers won.  Imagine bringing this girl home?  Your grandmother would have a stroke when she jumps pantiless on dinner table to demonstrate what she does for work.  Jungers, that is; not grandma.  You sicko. 

• Jon Stewart tears apart Marc Thiessen over the "Al-Qaeda 7" bullshit that hacks like Liz Cheney and Bill Kristol are pushing on the public.  By the end, Thiessen turns into a puddle and starts whining that Stewart talked over and didn't allow him to make his points.  Watch the video and decide for yourself.  Personally, I don't think you can blame Marc for stomping and crying like someone stole his Mailbu Barbie house. Everyone knows Stewart's chairs are painful on the vagina.